Lack of interest: why does it happen and how to deal with it?

Losing that passion and curiosity towards your partner is a common phenomenon in, especially in those that take time, since one of the two does not feel the same passion and emotions as before.

This causes them to not give importance to the relationship and the other person feels abandoned and insufficient. So lack of interest is a serious sign of much bigger problems.

In the following article, we’ll show you everything you need to know about lack of interest, how to recognize if your relationship has reached such a point, and what decisions they can make about it.

What is lack of interest?

TheRoyal Spanish Academydefinesinterestas an “Inclination of mind towards an object, a person, a narrative, etc“. In a relationship, this is appreciated when both parties decide to invest time and emotions in it.

The opposite occurs when one, or both, parts of the relationship no longer give the same importance and value to the relationship that they used to give it. It becomes secondary and they give preference to other matters.

In this sense, lack of interest can cause arguments, fights, frustrations, loss of communication and intimacy, infidelities, divorces, traumas and much more.

Causes of lack of interest in the couple

The lack of interest towards your partner can be caused by multiple factors. The process of loss of interest can also be gradual and insidious, where it does not become apparent until it is too late.

Next, we will mention some of the most frequent causes in this loss of attraction to the other.

Loss of initial crush

During the initial phases of a relationship, even the months leading up to it, there is a stage of falling in love where the person may even idolize or have an unrealistic vision of their partner.

As the relationship develops and emotional and physical closeness occurs, each discovers more and more about their partner, which, for some people, can be disappointing. This disappointment occurs because your ideal image of your partner does not match reality.

habit and monotony

In the same current as the previous point, the loss of interest can originate if one of the two parties feels disenchanted with the other.

The excitement and expectations that come with a new relationship can fade over time. It can occur if one of the parties fails to meet the expectations or standards of the other, causing a disagreement with their current situation.

Passive attitude of the couple

Insecurities, lack of confidence in their decisions and in general, can make a person less attractive to their partner. After all, trust is a key component in an individual’s perceived life satisfaction.

Insecurities may not be obvious at first, but as the relationship continues, they surface and can negatively affect the relationship where security is important, especially one that you can project onto your partner.

The impact of good self-esteem, behaviors that show confidence and security on your own decisions, on relationships has been extensively documented.

Lack of mutual support

Support is essential in any relationship. A healthy couple in love with each other should celebrate each other’s triumph, no matter how small.

Showing the other person that you are important enough to celebrate their victories, or accompany them in their defeat, builds trust.

What happens if these feelings of companionship and support are lost in a relationship? Disappointments, frustrations, feelings of abandonment and insufficiency occur and, finally, the loss of love and interest in the other.

interest in other people

Another frequent cause of loss of interest in a relationship is that one of the two parties may have feelings for or attraction to someone else. This can occur when the current relationship does not fully satisfy the person.

In such a way, that the person actively seeks to satisfy their expectations and desires in other people or has recently thought about doing so or fantasizing about it.

Poor and inadequate communication

Communication is an essential pillar in any relationship, regardless of its nature. Work, social, personal, it doesn’t matter. Communicating and expressing your ideas effectively facilitates interactions significantly.

Romantic relationships are no exceptions. Expressing our desires, opinions and ideas foster the construction of a relationship.

Expressing complex emotions to your partner allows you to build emotional Intimacybetween the two of you. Talking about what bothers us about each other’s actions allows solutions to be mapped out and keeps the relationship afloat.

Without all these elements, which facilitate communication, the ability to understand the other is lost. Relationships become indecipherable and generate anguish for both parties.

Unmet expectations

In every relationship, expectations are present. Low, medium or gigantic. They can take different forms, but they remain constant, ethereal presences that do not manifest in their entirety, but make themselves felt when they are not fulfilled.

We all have idealized versions of our partners, but they don’t always conform to reality, especially as we get to know the couple in detail. These disagreements can cause disappointment and a rapid loss of interest in the relationship.

Criteria differences

Each person develops, over the years, criteria about what they want. Economic, personal, social, work, moral criteria, etc. These define our preferences and guide our actions.

Relationships are no exception. We are looking for an archetype, apersonality , attitude and actions, typical of a set of criteria and preferences that we have, capable of changing throughout our lives.

If the person with whom we form a relationship does not fit those criteria, personal disagreements occur, based on principles and preferences. From these disagreements come arguments and possibly lack of interest.

Different projects and goals

Along the same lines as the previous one, our differences and the situations that come to the surface because of them, can generate a break in a relationship, causing apathy.

Of course, matters are not so simple. It’s impossible not to run into differences in a relationship, and depending on how both of you handle it, these differences can help complement each other.

But, if these differences are extreme and even interfere with the projects and ambitions of the other, these could not complement the other, but rather worsen the situation.

lack of time together

It is common that, at the beginning of a relationship, couples tend to want to spend all their time together. Over time, in certain couples, this desire can wane and give way to a new one, that of seeking personal space.

If this new desire is taken to extremes, couples stop spending time together and lose contact with each other, to the point that the relationship no longer feels like one.

Another possible reason is social and work commitments. If the amount of time the person spends on their work and projects exceeds the minimum amount of time with their partner, estrangements occur.

Signs that indicate lack of interest in the couple

Each couple has its own characteristics and, therefore, a different lifestyle. Take, for example, a couple used to spending time together, while another is not due to different circumstances.

It does not mean that the second partner loves each other less than the first, nor does it reflect an underlying problem in the relationship. It’s just his way of carrying things.

Having said that, there are recurring patterns in a significant number of relationships, capable of being identified in time and avoiding the definitive breakdown of the relationship. Here are some classic signs of a lack of interest.

Little or no communication

Communications foster healthy relationships and allow us to express what we feel to the other. Few things eat away at the foundation and intimacy of a relationship like the lack of it.

Some typical signs of a lack of communication are passive aggressive behavior, we mask our annoyances and thoughts with jokes, sarcasm and ambiguous comments.

Ignoring the problems that need to be solved is another symptom, since the person prefers to avoid conflicts for fear of confrontation, causing frustration and anger that accumulate inside.

decreased libido

The word libido refers to the loss of sexual desire. In this context, it refers specifically to the loss of sexual desire towards your partner. It can be caused by different causes.

For some, it may be relationship problems. If you wonder why you don’t feel the same sexual attraction to your partner, you can start by asking yourself if you currently feel happy in your relationship.

Conflicts that have simmered for a long time, a lack of communication, and a lack of physical and emotional intimacy are possible causes. Among others, it is that your partner has lost those traits that made him sexually attractive to you.

However, the loss of libido can be related to mental factors, such as stress, depression and anxietytag. The overwhelming day-to-day can drive sexual desire out of our minds.

Other physical problems can be chronic diseases, such as diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, endocrine diseases (hypothyroidism), neoplasms (tumors) and much more. If you consider this possibility, consult a specialist.

Absence of affection and details

Many people underestimate the importance and value of details. These small actions, which often go unrecognized, represent how much our partner cares about us.

Details such as preparing your favorite dish, leaving the largest portion of food for yourself, avoiding actions and gestures that we dislike, or remembering small details that we once trusted are some examples.

What does the absence of these mean? It’s not necessarily a bad thing. But, sometimes, it reflects the little importance that the couple gives to these tiny details that, in reality, are worth a lot to us.

Physical affection is important too. Skin contact with a person we love induces the release of endorphins, hormones related to body relaxation and pleasure.

Without these, there is no physical pleasure. The relationship becomes cold and unpleasant, it lacks that warmth that we long for in the other.

Lack of disposition and attention

Every situation must be put in context. If your partner hasn’t been paying enough attention to you because he’s overwhelmed with work responsibilities, it’s reasonable for him to turn his attention to other matters.

However, if this condition becomes chronic and your partner is not willing to reserve time for you, or pay enough attention to your emotional needs, this creates cracks in the relationship.

constant fights and arguments

Arguments are unavoidable in any relationship or even in any interpersonal interaction that lasts long enough. It is part of our nature to differ with those around us.

However, arguments must have a resolution and avoid the feelings of Resentmentthat they cause, especially in a relationship. If they don’t, they become frequent and progressively easier to occur, leading to fights.

no talk of the future

Certainly, rushing the progression of a relationship is not the right thing to do, especially if it has only recently started. However, in a longer relationship, it is inevitable to talk about the future: projects, ambitions and desires together.

If your partner, despite the time together, does not show interest in future projects, such as moving in together, saving for a house, a car or marriage, the other person may feel that the relationship is not being valued enough.

No concern for the other’s problems or activities

Worrying about our partner’s feelings is another sign of a healthy enough relationship. A couple should seek to support each other because they are a team that complements each other.

However, if one party downplays the other’s concerns and insecurities, it can be hurtful. Trying to solve all of your partner’s problems isn’t a very realistic task, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be supportive.

In this sense, in those relationships where there is complete dissociation, where there is no physical or emotional support, it can be disruptive to the relationship.

Therefore, communication is important, because you can express how little you like him if your partner has not given you enough support.

You prefer to go out or share with other people

For every moment we spend with our friends, it’s a moment we don’t spend with our partner. The opposite is also true. Going to extremes is not the right thing to do. The ideal is to find a balance.

When he is not around and he prefers to spend time with others, it can make the couple feel that the relationship is not being valued enough, especially if there are last-minute changes in romantic outings or if they are replaced with outings with friends .

How to deal with the lack of interest in the couple?

Not everything is gray as it seems, there are multiple solutions that a couple can adopt to repair the damage caused by all these emotional conflicts. On the other hand, certain relationships may already be ruined by the action of both.

Next, we will show you some therapeutic strategies for your relationship.

accept the situation

Solving every problem requires a first, essential step: accepting its existence. You must acknowledge the current situation in your relationship, recognize the patterns and actions that have led to it, and finally take action.

Otherwise, the series of events that led to the lack of interest will be perpetuated and the relationship will reach a threshold where it is already insurmountable.

Express feelings

Communication is key to any relationship. Communicating properly with someone, without taboos or repressions, makes us feel good. Maintaining good communication with our peers fosters emotions, a key component in a relationship.

Building a genuine and deep relationship with your partner through communication requires learning to listen first. If there is no communication in your relationship, perhaps one or both parties are not listening.

Some frequent mistakes are distracting your mind with other topics while your partner is talking, concentrating your attention on what to say or listening to your partner with a purpose in mind and not simply to hear what they want to say.

Communication in a relationship should show support, inspire trust, and focus on what’s really important. Communication that lacks affectivity, based on criticism, prejudices and that does not provide anything positive only destroys the relationship.

Give yourself time and space to reflect

Although temporary estrangement is not a definitive solution to relationship problems, it can act as a pause that prevents destructive behaviors on both sides from permanently damaging the relationship.

In an ideal situation, both parties would use the time to reflect on their actions, what they did, what they didn’t do, and what they should have done.

Judging past and present actions, behaviors and attitudes that may have led to this precarious situation are things that should be thought about and perhaps analyzed individually.

Avoid blame and blame

Feelings of guilt often start in these emotional situations. The person begins to ask himself what he could have done to avoid it, the regrets and the emotional burdens.

However, blaming yourself or your partner for the current situation does not provide solutions that can benefit the relationship. At this point, the relationship can only be saved through effective actions and decisions, aimed at awakening that spark between them.

Focus on the positive

In the same vein as the previous point, we recommend focusing your thoughts on the positive aspects that the relationship has brought to your life. This allows you to evaluate the pros and cons that you have and if, truly, the relationship is worth fighting for.

Even a very good relationship can go off the rails if one or both parties in the relationship neglect it. However, that does not invalidate all the pleasant and pleasant moments that they went through together.

Don’t hold on to what you can’t change

Certain relationships have already been torn apart by indifference, apathy, and destructive behaviors over time. Very hurtful and irreversible words and actions that can leave indelible marks.

In these situations, keeping the relationship alive will only impede your happiness and that of the other person. Ending it, even if unfortunate, is the right solution. It is important to recognize in our life the things that we should hold on to and the things that we should not.

move on with life

Heartbreaks are always painful, especially in relationships where you feel you invested time and emotional energy. However, the present is unchangeable and we must accept the situation.

There are several ways to Overcome a broken heart , from distracting your mind, adopting new hobbies, meeting other people and beginning to value yourself as a person, from a physical and emotional point of view.

Go to therapy if necessary

If you and your partner want to continue the relationship, but recognize that the damage done and the problems are not that simple, they should be dealt with professionally, expert couples counselors may be able to provide a solution.

Couples therapies can help them change their perspectives on the relationship, modify any dysfunctional behavior, reduce the emotional gap between them, improve communication and promote the strength of the relationship.