The fear of commitment, is an experience lived by human beings at least 1 time during their lives, for the different characteristics that arise from the fact of establishing a stable union with your partner and the different responsibilities that this deserves.

On the other hand, there is the fear of losing freedom, falling into monotony and failing the other person, because of the commitment you are acquiring, in addition, of the elements involved in maintaining a long-term relationship, including the emotions of fear, anxietyand in extreme cases, frustration.

In this sense, below you will know the most common causes of fear of commitment and the most effective ways to overcome it, so you can establish a solid relationship, full of love, well-being and harmony.

What is fear of commitment?

It is the fear, worry and in certain cases the sense of insecurity that a person experiences to consolidate a relationship. This arises, by different factors, however, it is usually one of the most common sensations experienced by human beings throughout their lives.

Relationships, forming a family and even establishing a home in the company of other people, instills fear for all the responsibilities and efforts that this merits, becoming decisions of utmost importance for the life of every person.

Causes of fear of commitment

The Italian psychologist and writer, Walter Riso, details in hisbook “Enamorados o esclavizados”, that there are 5 fears related tolove as a coupleand the first of them focuses on the fear of commitment, because of the relationship it has to the fear of people losing their freedom and autonomy after they commit to someone else.

Therefore, below, you will be able to know the most frequent causes of fear of commitment, so you can identify if you experience any of them:

recent break up

Going through love breakups generates uncertainty, low self- esteem and fear of falling in love again, which in turn is reflected in the fear of commitment.

This is due to the fact that human beings by nature distance themselves from things that cause them harm, therefore, having experienced a separation instills insecurity in front of love.

Trauma from past relationships

Romantic relationships commonly end due to problems that develop between the two people, Infidelity , lack of love, among other characteristics that can be harmful among people who want to fall in love again.

In this sense, people who have experienced any of the above elements often feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable and dissatisfied with romantic situations, totally moving away from any commitment on an emotional level.

fear of losing freedom

Fear is a major discomfort and one of the most frequent causes of fear of commitment, is the fear of losing the freedom to do, say and even behave in certain ways.

This is, thanks to the stereotypes that exist in society, due to the customs of the ancestors who used to maintain monotonous relationships, where the woman was minimized by the dominance of the man.

On the other hand, in the book Will you marry me? Written by Fernando Alberca de Castro, a graduate in philosophy and letters, it describes the most common situations faced by the two committed people, in the face of an engagement or marriage, and the most effective way to cope with these situations.

Low self-esteem

Negative thoughts towards yourself and a lack of self- love are characteristics of low self-esteem.

It refers to the feeling of not feeling physically and psychologically attractive so that another person can fall in love with you, in addition to the insecurities and emotional conflicts typical of a lack of self-esteem.

Lack of assertive communication

In this case, the person does not know how to demonstrate or express their feelings, desires, thoughts and even attitudes, which leads to partially closing their social and affective circle, making it impossible for them to establish a stable bond with their loved one, generating thus the fear of commitment and emotional disorders.

Lack of trust in the other

Trust is one of the fundamental pillars in any stable relationship, the lack of it leads to communication problems, decreases love, generates anguish, gives way to love disappointments and all this contributes to developing a strong fear to get engaged and start a family.

Intolerance of uncertainty

Uncertainty is usually generated in people with high degrees of anxiety and fear of what awaits them in the future with their loved one, whether in the short or long term.

For its part, intolerance of uncertainty creates panic, fear and anguish in the face of the different possibilities that may arise when you decide to commit to someone, taking into account that these thoughts are generally negative in nature and distance the person from the future commitments.

Unrealistic expectations regarding love

People usually have the mistaken belief that there are no differences, adverse situations or misunderstandings in relationships, thus creating unrealistic expectations regarding true love .

On the other hand, there are also those who tend to think that by committing themselves they will lose benefits that they believe they have by being single. All of this leads to biased ideas of what being in love really means, but which creates strong uncertainty about commitment in those who experience them.

Comfort of being single

Singleness has misperceptions in reference to the emotional freedom that a person can have.

Therefore, many individuals are afraid of commitment for the reason of the apparent peace that it deserves, in addition to believing that they will lose freedoms, be it leisure or social, just because of having a partner or an already established bond, thus preferring Stay in your comfort zone.

How to overcome the fear of commitment?

There are several ways to overcome the fear of commitment, leaving aside any doubt, bad experience you have lived or the different types of fears that a person faces when committing, all with the aim of improving your current relationship and thus you can give the step of committing.

Detect feelings towards the partner

One of the main factors involved in trust and security towards another person is knowing the feelings they experience towards you and the degree of intensity they possess.

That is, to be fully sure that your loved one feels enough love to take the big step towards commitment. This, apart from raising your confidence, will further strengthen the union you already have.

Face fears and share them

They are part of every loving relationship for various reasons, commonly, they appear for fear of not being enough or fulfilling the expectations of the loved one.

It is important to recognize these fears, accept them and above all share them with the couple, so that they are solved in time and do not last during the commitment.

Modify attitudes and behaviors

The lecturer and writerRubén Turienzo, relates in his book “The art of the positive attitude”, that “The positive attitude has miraculous, incredibly energizing and rejuvenating effects”, in addition the author adds that any change in attitudes, behaviors and actions will depend on the gallantry that each person possesses.

Therefore, the above is what will help each individual to change their thoughts, accept that the commitment, despite the fact that it entails great responsibilities, is an action that should not cause major fears.

Taking the relationship to your own rhythm

It is important that every love relationship goes at the pace that both people determine and that they feel is the right one for the well-being of the union.

Rushing to make decisions will create tension within the relationship and can also generate environments of discord, so it is imperative that both take their time and especially if that involves formalizing a commitment.

Learning to make decisions

Decision making is a fundamental element when the couple wants to move forward and consolidate the sentimental union.

For this, it is advisable that both maintain good communication and know what their main objectives are regarding their relationship, so they can succeed in the decisions they wish to make.

Avoid creating false expectations

Expectations generate in certain cases, episodes of anxiety, especially if it comes to relationships and commitments.

Creating false expectations, complicates the projection with which both individuals visualize their future, therefore, it is important that both are focused on the reality they are about to assume.

Getting out of your comfort zone

The security infused by the comfort zone is one of the most gratifying but contradictory feelings that exist, because by always doing what makes you feel safe, it can prevent you from taking the necessary risks to advance in your personal, sentimental or professional life.

In this sense, it becomes imperative that you get out of your comfort zone so that you experience new sensations, emotions , strengthen your self-confidence and above all the bond you have with your partner.

Dare to take risks

This is one of the points that most deserves courage, self-confidence, confidence, determination and union between the couple.

It is because people must dare to undergo the necessary changes in order to emerge and advance, therefore, being able to assume a loving commitment will make you feel confident and emotionally mature .

Focus on the positives

Although it is true, the responsibility of a commitment to another person requires ups and downs for the relationship, due to the difference in characters, decision-making, among other aspects.

However, it is important that you focus on highlighting the positive aspects and elements that assuming a commitment will bring you, in addition to its multiple benefits.

Focus on living in the present

Commitment entails expectations that stand out in planning a future with another person, although these can be more bearable if both focus on the details of the present they are living and slowly forge a future where they see themselves united and in wellness.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *