Have you ever encountered people who find it difficult to express their feelings or seem unemotional? Such individuals may beemotionally illiterate, that is, they are not aware of controlling what they feel.

Therefore, below you will discover what emotional illiteracy is about, the main causes, characteristics and the most effective methods of overcoming this condition:

What is emotional illiteracy?

One of the renowned psychologists of the XXI century, Daniel Goleman(1), details in his book “Emotional intelligence”(2), that emotionalilliteracy is rooted in childrenwho only educate so that they have ahigh IQ and not good emotional health.

In this sense, emotional illiteracy is the inability to know how to express, accept, manage and control emotions and feelings, therefore, the individual develops without being able to make known what he feels towards himself and those around them.

Important: Because this condition develops from childhood, not being controlled and corrected, these children become adults, are more likely to suffer from psychologicalpersonality disordersand other pathologies linked to psychological and emotional health.

Causes of emotional illiteracy

Not only is education one ofthecauses of emotional illiteracy, there are also other reasons that include more deeply the feelings of the person, such as:

Repressive parenting

Therefore, emotional literacy, as well as education, begin at home, thanks to which the individual can grow up being able to recognize each of their emotions, which over time will be the main impulse to develop their different skills.

Lack of emotional self-control tools

Emotional illiteracy, being the null capacity to be able, mainly, to recognize the basic emotions and the feelings that unfold from them, is also based on the lack of tools that the human being obtains in his development to be able to self-control what he feels in certain situations.

That is to say, as the child grows, through upbringing he is taught how to fight fear,how to express happiness and so on. In the case of the emotionally illiterate, it is because said psychological and emotional reinforcements were not provided on time.

Characteristics of emotional illiteracy

People who are emotionally illiterate have the following characteristics that differentiate them from others, usually due to their behavior in the society where they live:

Emotions experienced are not accurately identified

The emotional illiterate is not able to recognize or identify what emotion they are experiencing , in some cases they may even confuse the emotions or simply do not know how to describe what they feel, causing them to feel disoriented in various cases.

The emotions of others are not taken into account

The individual does not know emotional empathy, so he becomes indifferent to the feelings of the people around him. This, in turn, is the cause of rejection by the uninformed society of said condition and on certain occasions, the affected person is also unaware of what he is suffering from.

Impulsive reactions occur

The fact of not knowing how to handle emotions , the individual may react inappropriately to external stimuli. This usually happens especially in situations of extreme stress , fear, surprise and also in extreme states of excitement.

Note: Impulsive reactionscan vary depending on the situation at hand and the level of fury with which the person tries to express that emotion. Also, it can occur when the individual begins to recognize her emotions, that is, during the process of adaptation andSelf-awareness.

Decisions are made without analyzing the consequences

Usually, people who have good levels of emotional literacy,when making a decision, analyze the benefits and disadvantages of these. When it comes to an emotional illiterate, theyare not aware of the degree of difficulty, negativity or consequences that said choice can generate.

Extreme sensitivity to difficulties

Likewise, as the consequences can be differentiated when making decisions, it may be the case that the reactions to difficulties are extreme , even if the situation is not risky or puts their life in danger.

Note: This occurs because the emotionally illiterate does not have the full capacity to know if what they feel is good or not for their physical integrity or puts different aspects of their life at risk, therefore, their reactions vary up to such a point that they can be totally opposed to what is socially correct.

No ability to create meaningful connections

For affective relationships, be it with family, friends or sentimental relationships, emotional illiterates have a null capacity both to show affection and to feel it , this being one of the most sensitive points to accept, especially within the family nucleus that surrounds them.

There are no emotional control mechanisms

For people with this condition, it is difficult to know how to manage emotions, for example: relax when they feel afraid, not think about worries, release tension, breathe during panic or anxiety attacks, among other adverse situations.

Important: Because emotions and feelings are intertwined with thoughts, emotional illiterates tend to have unsociable behaviors, becoming withdrawn, shy and introverted.

People get stuck in past situations

Note: It is common for individuals who suffer from personality disorders, cognitive problems and emotional illiteracy, to have experienced situations of extreme risk or have been victims of some adverse event and were not given the necessary psychological help on time.

How to overcome emotional illiteracy?

If you consider yourself emotionally illiterate, you should put into practice the following suggestionsthat will strengthen your skills and minimize your emotional problem:

Learning to recognize and accept emotions

Knowing how to define the emotions that you feel at every moment of life will give you the advantage of knowing how to manage your thoughts both in critical situations and in making important decisions, in addition, you will develop the ability to know your emotions in greater depth and the way in how you express them.

Positively manage emotions

By Learning the appropriate strategies that help you manage your emotions in a positive way, you will be able, above all, to face and overcome adverse, risky or sad situations with greater fluidity, in turn, positive attraction through emotions. , it will make you feel more balanced with yourself.

Apply emotional empathy

Express emotions assertively

An article published by the Spanish National Health System ( 3) , on emotional intelligence, details that communication is linked to emotions and that their expression can become more important for the person who listens to you in front of you. to what you are trying to communicate verbally.

Coping with situations resiliently

TheRoyal Spanish Academydefines resilience as: “Ability of a living being to adapt to a disturbing agent or an adverse state or situation”(4), so facing adverse situations by sticking toresilience, in addition to helping you overcome the event you have lived, improves your vision against it.

To highlight: Resilience gives you the ability totransform unfavorable events into positive thingsfor your life, which will make you grow as a person, improve your moods and make you feel better about yourself.

Set goals that motivate positively

Planning the future based on goals, projects, objectives or dreams that you want to achieve, will make you have the necessary reasons to improve the situationsyou are going through and do everything in your power to achieve what you want so much.

Therefore, it is essential that to overcome emotional illiteracy more easily, you focus on achieving anything that is toyour liking and for your personal growth.

Tip: Make a list of the things you would like to learn, achieve or improve in your life, such as: learning music, getting to know a place in the world that calls your attention, starting to specialize in any field of study that you like or anything that makes you feel comfortable and well-being.

Key Findings

  • Emotional illiteracy develops mainly from childhood due to repressive upbringing.
  • Emotional illiterates are unable to identify or express their emotions and thoughts.
  • People with this condition react differently to external stimuli, thus often being singled out by society.
  • Resilience is one of the theories applied to overcome this condition in a timely manner.
  • Emotional intelligence is the fundamental basis to avoid suffering from emotional illiteracy.

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