One of the most important feelings within human consciousness is so-called love.
Since creation, love has been a fundamental part of man’s existence, so much so that science has studied it to the point of recognizing theories that try to describe and define it.
Beyond being a feeling or one of the important elements for Valentine’s Day, love causes chemical and physical changes in people, making them react, behave and even feel different for being in love.
Next, you can enjoy an article dedicated to love from a psychological and scientific point of view.
What is love according to psychology?
The American psychologistRobert J. Sternberg defines love as “A set of feelings, thoughts and desires that, when experienced simultaneously, result in the complex experience we call love.”
In this sense, the author presents love as a complex feeling given to the group of variables and moods that emerge from it.
In addition, it expresses that feeling love and feeling loved is one of the constant battles that the human being goes through in life, all this in order to find happiness and satisfy the desire to find a person with whom to establish an affective bond.
Elements of Love
Love as an affective feeling has three fundamental elements that define it and that are of vital importance, between a relationship so that it works correctly.
Thus, as of the following three elements is that each of the sentimental and proper characteristics of a relationship are deployed, it is important to know them to determine if the affective feeling you feel is really love.
Confidence
Trust is the ability that develops to believe in another person, whether in their words, feelings or actions, also, it is associated with respect and loyalty.
This feeling of total security is developed and strengthened through the attitudes of the loved one, this being a continuous practice, that is, in relationships, trust must be demonstrated continuously.
However, trust is one of the pillars that is most difficult to maintain, because if it breaks it can lead to insecurities and doubts between the couple.
In another sense, trust is also associated with the intimacy, closeness and sexual connection that two people have as a demonstration of affection during the consolidation of a love bond.
Similarly, the proportional loss of trust is closely linked to communication between couples, communicating feelings, doubts or discomfort is imperative for a relationship to be stable.
Passion
Passion is popularly known for the desire or attraction that one has for another person, in addition, it is one of the strongest emotions that one feels in love.
Also, it is shown as a need and intense desire to maintain physical, sexual and emotional contact from one person to another, it is the continuous desire to have the loved one close.
In the same way, passion can overcome feelings such as hatred, anger and, at its highest points, make one lose reason, dominating love above all other things.
Commitment
It is making the decision to love, respect and value the other person, being able to overcome any obstacle that arises in the relationship.
Commitment goes hand in hand with fidelity and the responsibility to do everything possible to make the relationship work, as well as being able to live together as a couple and always maintain love.
Stages of love according to psychology
According to clinical psychologist John Gottman , who describes the three stages of love in his book entitled Principles of Love: The New Science of Love, love evolves according to the different phases that two people go through when they start a relationship.
Next, you will be able to know the different stages of love and what people experience in each of them according to Gottman’s present work:
Crush
Falling in love is the first stage, where illusion reigns and the desire to know everything about the other person, the little things, the really important thing is to make the loved one fall in love and show all the good things you have to give.
However, doubts and nervousness due to fear of rejection also arise, but also fanciful long-term thoughts where the lover believes they have found their ideal partner.
This phase is contradictory and of great importance because you can confuse a simple crush with true love, this is where disappointments occur when the other person does not turn out to be who you really believe and want.
Romantic love
Gottman defines this stage as the crucial one to determine if it is really true love, this is because it is when the feeling of trust and emotional stability begins to appear.
Romantic love is accompanied by memories of experiences in past relationships, this stage is important because difficulties arise due to differences in character and attitudes typical of the personality of each individual.
Therefore, to overcome this phase, the couple must adhere to tolerance in order to know how to handle the different temperaments without becoming frustrated or giving up the relationship.
Mature love
The author describes this stage as overcoming all of the above, it is when loyalty, commitment and trust come together to create true love.
In this last stage, individuals begin to make more decisions that directly benefit the relationship they maintain, while tranquility, affection, respect and understanding are increasingly consolidated.
In this phase it is important that the couple have good communication, they begin to accept each other and already know how to deal with the defects that each one has in particular.
Types of love
According to the Triangular Theory of Love designed by the American psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are 7 types of love, each one of them is formed by the union of three components: intimacy, passion and commitment.
That is why, below you can discover what are the different types of love that can occur in a relationship according to psychology:
Romantic love
Romantic love is the sum of intimacy plus passion, in this case there is no commitment in the couple, only the unfounded desire for passion and affection that emerges from intimacy.
Visions of the future are not typical of this type of love, in it only physical attraction and sexuality prevail, that is, they feel united emotionally and physically attracted.
Therefore, since there is no commitment, this type of relationship usually lasts for short periods of time.
Sociable love
Also known as partner love, it is the result of intimacy together with commitment, in the absence of passion, the couple only stays together by a feeling of responsibility that drives them to be aware of each other.
It often happens that monotonous relationships where routine prevails or they spend a lot of time together, becomes a sociable love, loving encounters are extinguished and there is only appreciation or affection for the other person.
Consummate Love
When intimacy, passion and commitment merge, complete love is born. It is about relationships that live true love, where trust, sexual desire, commitment, fidelity and loyalty reign.
This type of love, being the most complex, requires constant dedication to each of its components in equal parts so that it can last.
According to the author, the most important thing about consummated love is not to lose communication, respect, physical contact and above all, honesty between the two.
Infatuation
It is what the vast majority know as love at first sight, it follows from infatuation and is the main characteristic of a love where only passion, attraction and physical desire are felt.
Therefore, this is one of the main types of love that do not usually last that long.
Mere infatuation happens when the person thinks he is feeling love for someone he has only seen, does not know him personally, so this feeling can fade in the same way he started.
Therefore, since passion is what governs it, the individual experiences strong psychophysiological sensations, that is, the intense desire to possess the other person together with bodily reactions to feeling tachycardia, palpitations or redness.
Crazy Love
Passion and commitment come together and give off crazy love where intimacy is not relevant, this type of relationship is fleeting, trust is put aside and you only want to be with the other person and be faithful without any sense.
For this reason, it is defined as crazy love, the author describes what usually happens when a couple meets, quickly commits and forms a union, for them responsibility, trust and everything that involves keeping afloat is not important. relationship.
empty love
Feeling only commitment is determined as empty love, there is no physical attraction, nor intimacy, at this point the person only cares about being responsible and respectful of the other.
This type of love is gaining strength when the couple is no longer united by some feeling, but by the commitment to stay together, this usually happens in marriages where the bond is maintained by the children and mutual affection no longer exists.
In this sense, when you reach this stage, the next thing is for the relationship to end, if it is the case of marriages or ties that have a lot of time together, it is recommended that they be honest and make the decision that is most convenient for them.
Sweetie
Intimacy is the cause of feeling affection for another person, it usually occurs in best friends, where trust and communication prevail, there is no passion or commitment between the two.
Therefore, affection is related to affective feelings that two people can emanate without actually establishing a loving bond or relationship.
However, it is considered one of the most significant components in friendship relationships.
brain chemical process of love
According to the book ““Why We Love” written by anthropologist Helen Fisher, love begins in the brain with the release of neurotransmitters and hormones that create the sensations of being in love or feeling affection for another person.
The chemical process occurs thanks to the segregation of neurotransmitters such as dopamine, which is responsible for giving a feeling of pleasure and relaxation, and serotonin, the neurotransmitter in charge of mood states.
In addition, the body produces phenylethylamine and norepinephrine, which cause stimulating, euphoric or exciting effects, also, the brain produces endorphins that are responsible for creating feelings of security, protection and have analgesic effects.
On the other hand, there are hormones, such as epinephrine or adrenaline, which stimulates the nervous system, norepinephrine which helps the body in stressful situations, normalizing blood circulation and blood pressure.
One of the best known hormones in the chemical process of love is oxytocin, this substance is responsible for stimulating the creation of affective bonds, it produces a feeling of calm, love and affection.
In the case of men, the body secretes testosterone, it is the hormone in charge of providing and accentuating masculine traits, it also releases pheromones and natural perfumes when the man is in love.
For its part, the female body produces estrogen, considered the hormone involved in the women’s menstrual cycle.
And as in the case of men, estrogen is secreted in greater quantity when the woman feels a physical connection with another person.
How to identify true love?
For all people, at some point it is important to know if they are really enjoying true love or if it is just one of the other 6 types of love, where its purpose is unrelated to consummated love.
In this sense, the German psychoanalyst, social psychologist and philosopher Erich Fromm recounts in his book “The Art of Loving” that for most people the only important thing is to be loved, however there are other factors that are just as important.
The author reveals that there is a need to feel worthy of love and the wrong attitude of people to think that there is nothing to learn about love.
Therefore, below you will be able to know the characteristics of atrue loveand how to identify it:
The couple works as a team
In a stable relationship, you must work as a team so that the balance is maintained, this refers to setting goals, knowing what are the priorities and needs to be covered in the relationship, but that both work equally to achieve it.
Likewise, give mutual support in financial, labor issues and that there is good communication to make known between both if something is not working in the right way or expected.
Teamwork should be strengthened when responsibilities are even greater, in the case of children or in any case pets. So, splitting up work will improve your connection and help simplify daily tasks.
There is assertive communication and trust
Both trust and communication are two key elements to know if a love is true, saying what you think of your partner to the point of letting them know if there is a problem, will avoid major consequences.
Likewise, trust when establishing an affective bond with someone goes beyond the sexual, it is knowing that you can count on the other person at all times, to the point of sharing the most important things for you with that person.
There is freedom and unconditionality
A true love is not a prison, the human being by nature is free, as a couple rules must be established so that freedom is not harmed by the desire to control everything that the loved one does.
While being unconditional is linked to the feeling of wanting all the best for the other person, loving them without any conditions and doing the best you can for the well-being of the relationship.
respect is essential
Last, but very important, is respect, all true love must be forged with respect, the responsibility above all to be faithful and honest.
Respect between couples is crucial for the growth of the love relationship, it is the determinant of whether the bond can advance or not.
In this sense, respect must be established as the main point when two people decide to unite and maintaining it will always depend on both of them.
University Professional in the area of Human Resources, Postgraduate in Occupational Health and Hygiene of the Work Environment, 14 years of experience in the area of health. Interested in topics of Psychology, Occupational Health, and General Medicine.