Heartbreak is an experience that starts from different circumstances, is personal and quite complicated. And something that we have definitely all gone through at least once in our lives.
The most complex thing is to objectively define a process as subjective as this, but it also seeks to recognize that among the vastness of how variable it can be, there are common factors that allow us to standardize its course and propose recommendations and key issues to face it.
Then, in the following article we will share some recommendations that can help you overcome this difficult sentimental moment, called heartbreak.
What is heartbreak?
Heartbreak is quite intense and human, it is usually caused by the transition of the loss of an affective relationship.
According to P. Horno Goicochea in his study entitled ” Love and heartbreak in adolescence “, he defines heartbreak as the experience of a duel that is accompanied by pain, frustration, helplessness and sadness.
That is why heartbreak can distort people’s perception of reality, affect the ego and even cause post-traumatic effects, so it is important not to underestimate these processes and learn to face them even if it is not an easy task.
Recommendations to overcome heartbreak
In a study carried out by Sbarra on “ Predicting the onset of emotional recovery following nonmarital relationship dissolution ”, it is explained that grieving a love break is one of the most stressful and painful experiences that can be experienced.
It is even compared to the type of mourning that is experienced in the death of a loved one. These situations are usually unavoidable, so we offer you below some recommendations to overcome heartbreak more easily.
1. Accept what happened
The Psiconfort blog puts it quite clearly: “Understanding that we are part of a stage in another person’s life, that they are going to disappoint us or we are going to disappoint them, and that it is very possible that we choose different paths, is part of growing . Growing up is knowing how to say goodbye.”
In this sense, it is very important to have all our maturity to explain to ourselves that things have ended.
2. Live and vent emotions
Being vulnerable is something that has become synonymous with weakness, and it is a mistake. It’s simply the ability to be hurt, and we all have it.
In fact, from the beginning of a relationship you have to accept the risk that this entails. So at the time of the breakup, we must recognize what our feelings are about it and accept them.
3. Avoid feelings of guilt
Although the manifestation of grief almost always brings with it feelings of guilt, we must be objective and understand that overanalyzing the situation can obsess us and delay the healing process.
Therefore, it is advisable to put guilt aside since it does not contribute to overcoming the difficult moment.
4. Avoid contact and keep your distance
Keeping your distance frees you from emotional baggage. Avoiding contact keeps us from unnecessary relapses that will only cause more damage to those involved.
It happens that due to nostalgia, bad memories are usually suppressed and erroneously idealized, in addition to the fact that it is very normal for them to let themselves be carried away by the lust that occurs, so the possibility of getting hooked on that emotional intensity increases.
5. Lean on family and friends
Playing your emotions out loud is definitely a type of therapy. In the investigation of “ Emotional and cognitive coping in relationship dissolution ” there is talk of the emotional recovery that occurs when a person makes the decision to end a relationship and seeks support through her environment.
You always want to find in them the understanding of the situation so that the condition that is experienced in the process decreases. The approval of other points of view shows what can be favorable in the experience.
6. Carry out recreational activities
We have always heard the phrase “a busy mind misses no one” but have you ever put it into practice? . It is definitely one of the most efficient techniques for personal growth and healing.
Likewise, the life project is an open and renewed action to overcome the present and open the way towards the future ( Carballo, 1998 ).
7. Play sports
When we exercise, endorphins are released that influence our mind and make us feel happy. Practicing sports then keeps us busy and helps us invest time in something productive, as well as nourishing our physical and mental well-being.
However, it is important to prevent the use of these types of activities as an escape from reality.
8. Give yourself time and personal attention
When we start an affective relationship, we immediately tend to change our priorities.
It is a mistake that is made very often and is usually unconscious, but it is in circumstances of rupture that we are in the first place again. By defense mechanism with the ego or by reconnection.
It doesn’t necessarily start to shine because the ended relationship was toxic or harmful, but we discover the need to take care of ourselves and revalue ourselves.
9. Focus on the positive and be thankful for it
There is a very interesting phrase that says: “If you never turn the page, you will not be able to know the end of the book.”
All the situations we go through influence our personal growth. It is easier said than applied, but there is a very positive practice for when we feel that everything loses meaning and it is where we can list our achievements and all the good things that surround us to thank for it.
There are times when we take things for granted. Focusing on what is missing is never the right answer. We must understand that gratitude for everything that has happened to us brought us closer to the person we are today.
10. Go to therapy if necessary
Mental health is as important as physical. And we can list the reasons why therapy is recommended:
- If it took you too long to get over
- If you feel like you have tried all of the above and nothing has helped
- You have uncontrollable depressive thoughts
- You developed anxiety and trauma with the breakup
- Just because yes: therapy is extremely healthy.
Characteristics of heartbreak
Heartbreak does not appear from one day to the next, indeed. Sometimes it’s a process we go through before the breakup even takes place.
Below we show you which are the most common symptoms or characteristics of heartbreak.
Progressively loses interest in the partner
The lack of communication or the failures that may occur in it are triggers for interest to be lost. The perception of being unloved, unfulfilled expectations, held grudges, are crucial reasons for us to gradually stop seeing a person with idealization.
Well they say that when we are in love it is not exactly that we do not see their defects, but that we are not looking for them.
Failures in communication and understanding occur
Communication failure often triggers excessive intolerance. The development of a good bond and an assertive interaction will only come hand in hand with the willingness to communicate the differences.
That is why when interest decreases, the need to explain to the other why things are going wrong also decreases.
Decreases sexual desire
Sexual desire can decrease for many reasons, among these are irremediable differences such as lack of respect, lack of connection, and the detachment produced by everything accumulated.
Reproaches, offenses and intolerance increase
Intolerance and reproaches is produced by frustration. Reasoning is avoided to see the reality of the problem and demands are made.
Normally here ghosts that we have dragged through our previous experiences come to the surface and we become beings that deliberately hurt.
It is preferred to be alone
Alone time becomes an isolated moment of quiet. When relationships are about to come to an end, they are characterized by emotionally destabilizing those involved, especially with the tension that occurs.
Personal interests come first
As we mentioned previously, the destabilization of personal prioritization is one of the things we first notice when the allure and euphoria of falling in love wears off.
In the process of heartbreak, it is common for us to realize that we have invested too much time in the happiness of another person, when the only one that is really our responsibility is our own.
It is something that with maturity and the learning processes obtained we must cultivate so that it becomes a habit: we must always be first. Not in an egotistical and empathetic way, but in a healthy way.
stages of heartbreak
The duel that defines the heartbreak process is structured in different stages to face it. It’s quite similar to losing a loved one to death, and while a loved one is open to different coping strategies, that makes it quite individual.
The following descriptions of the stages, is a standardization to understand through them everything that the emotional detachment that occurs entails.
denial and isolation
Denial and evasion is one of the first ways to deal with the situation. It is a suppressive characteristic and is defined as the mechanism that is applied to defend ourselves against what we do not know how to face.
anger and frustration
It is the moment of resentment. We drag the pain through the ego and assess the amount of guilt we have in the face of the breakup.
In fact, it is usually the moment in which we forget everything we have experienced and we only want to manage to hurt the feelings of the other. So many questions run through our heads, and all the answers seem to be aggressive.
The possibility of returning is considered. The terrain is studied and the fear of the uncertain future is reflected.
It is a decisive moment where we must face things and avoid harming ourselves with false expectations.
depression and sadness
We are vulnerable. We stop unnecessarily hiding everything we have been repressing to convince ourselves that perhaps there is a solution, or perhaps we are strong enough for it not to affect us.
Accepting the pain and externalizing it helps us to express ourselves and access acceptance. Sometimes it seems eternal, but it is extremely essential and little by little we will get up.
Acceptance and overcoming
We learn to be alone and comfortable with ourselves. Nothing lasts forever, not relationships or broken hearts.
We begin to take flight, to resign ourselves and to strengthen our self-esteem. We feel a peace characteristic of overcoming and we try detachment again.
The process is not usually easy, the important thing is to learn and get the best out of them. From a healthy perspective, pain is often necessary for certain achievements.