When talking aboutemotional abandonment, we refer to a subjective state where the individual feels unwanted, which generates insecurity and fear of rejection.
In this state, the person cannot become aware that his well-being depends on himself and his predisposition to get ahead.
Those who feel emotional abandonment are usually people who have had a difficult childhood, with absent or violent parents.
However, if this feeling is not treated, it can become both mental and physical illnesses.
To get ahead, you must first recognize that this state is subjective and that things are not what they seem.
Next, in the following article we will share valuable information about emotional abandonment, where you can know the causes that produce it as well as the effects on health and in what ways it can be overcome.
What is emotional abandonment?
Emotional abandonment is a feeling of lack. This feeling is gestated inchildhoodin those who were not understood by their parents, did not have enough attention or simply felt left out.
This feeling of being displaced marks a pattern where if the conflict is not addressed, the person who feels the emotional abandonment will continue to replicate it. The same conflict will appear with all your ties and may generate problems with your partners, your friends and colleagues, among others.
Causes of emotional abandonment
Emotional abandonmentbegins in environments that are not prepared to meet our needs. In these settings, it is likely that the child has not been sought out or that the parents are in an unfavorable situation that does not allow them to take care of them.
This may be due to economic or couple conflicts, or they are simply psychologically unprepared to attend to a child’s needs.
These parents are usually young or inexperienced and the context that surrounds them is not favorable at all. The abandonment, in many cases is due to ignorance and lack of experience rather than a lack of affection.
dysfunctional relationships
Just as the relationship with the child is erratic, the relationship between all parties is dysfunctional. There is a conflict that is neglected and the child cannot understand why he is not receiving the love and attention that he needs.
Toxic or absent fathers
When talking about toxic relationships we must understand that parents intentionally develop behaviorsdirected towards a child. This produces internal damage in him through negative feelings, such as devaluation and disregard for his own person without justification.
Depression and anxiety
Genetic heritage
Genes may play an important factor, since hereditary factors are involved in many complex behaviors such as cognitive abilities, personality , and psychology.
This does not mean that one is doomed to be born into a family with certain characteristics, but rather that they should seek professional help to avoid repeating the same patterns.
Symptoms of emotional abandonment
Emotional abandonment can manifest itself in different ways, since we all experience our feelings and respond in different ways, depending on our behavior and personality. While some tend to take refuge inside and take a more victimizing position, others may react aggressively.
Apathy
Apathy is defined by the existentialist philosopher Abbagan as the impassibility of the mind and neglect, indolence, lack of vigor or energy.
When we feel and behave in an apathetic way, we are indifferent to the situations around us. Almost like an existential limbo where it seems that nothing matters to us.
Distrust
Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson developed an Eight-stagetheory of development . The author took into account the first stage as that of trust versus distrust, this arises between birth and the first year of age. Where the child learns to trust or distrust her environment.
Affective Disinterest
The fact of having had a difficult childhood, where the child felt a lack of affection, can trigger a disinterested adult.
After an investigation, the psychologists Sotil and Quintana, affirmed that families that have had a separation or lack of communication, usually generate members without interest in the bond and support of the family. This can lead to them not feeling safe among themselves.
emotional misunderstanding
People who feel emotionally misunderstood are those who consciously think negatively about themselves. They also always expect to be rejected by others. They feel dissatisfied and this emotional state translates into poor relationships.
Low self-esteem
The psychotherapist Brandendefines self-esteem as the evaluation that the individual makes and maintains with respect to himself. It is how one feels about oneself and constitutes a personal judgment of dignity.
Those who have low self-esteem feel that they are not worthy or deserving of their achievements and affections. They are afraid of rejection since they are the first to judge themselves.
Inner emptiness
The concept of inner emptiness refers to everything that is related to sensations such as boredom, loneliness, and hopelessness. It is a subjective feeling that generates physical discomfort, as if the person felt discouraged and empty.
Perfectionism
Effects of emotional abandonment
Emotional abandonment leaves traces that we must be willing to heal. Recognizing this and consulting a professional will help you get rid of those feelings that marked you.
Remember our experiences do not condemn us, as the philosopher Jean Paul SartreSaid“we are what we make with what they made of us”
post traumatic stress disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder occurs when a person suffers an event of these characteristics, either in the first person or as a witness.
Everything you remember about the traumatic event will cause intense psychological stress. These people tend to try to avoid anything that is reminiscent of the trauma.
borderline personality disorder
Those who have this disorder, also known as borderline personality disorder, can have sudden mood swings. They may also appear uncertain about how they see themselves and what their role is in the world. They tend to be people who rapidly change interests and values.
They cannot hold on to interests or values, since their conception of themselves is constantly changing.
Anxiety
The anxietyIt refers to a feeling inherent to the human being, which we have all experienced at some point. Anxiety can be occasional or become a disorder when worry and fear become constant.
This feeling can interfere with daily activities, job performance, and interpersonal relationships. Therefore, when feeling anxiety, we must analyze if it is the product of some occasional situation or if it becomes a constant sensation that prevents us from continuing with our lives normally.
Social Difficulties
Socializing is the process by which one learns to differentiate what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in their behavior. This process should be encouraged in children at a very young age.
Conflicts in childhood prevent us from discerning which are the correct behaviors and which are not. This can cause problems to relate to others, since our conception is different. On the other hand, it is likely that we develop socially unacceptable behaviors, such as aggression.
Depression
phobias
Phobias often present in anxiety disorders. A person with a phobia experiences fear or anxiety about a specific object or situation.
Being in this emotion, the person is prevented from developing naturally and can cause significant discomfort at work, studies, among others.
Eating disorders
Eating disorders are a conflict in eating behavior, where it is affected by weight control. It is associated with a wide variety of psychological, social and health consequences.
Those who cannot express their emotions end up venting their tensions in their bodies and in the way they eat. This generates an eating disorder since food represents life and someone with this type of behavior rejects it.
self esteem issues
For Maslow, a representative of humanistic psychology, most people who have not developed a high level of esteem never come to fruition. For him there are two types of esteem needs, his own and that which comes from other people.
It is necessary to understand that you can work and improve self-esteem. Where accepting, loving and forgiving ourselves are the first three steps.
How to overcome emotional abandonment?
To overcome emotional abandonment we must first acknowledge and forgive. Everything we have lived and experienced should not be our condemnation.
The truth is that, depending on the type of emotional abandonment, we will be more or less predisposed to forgive.
It is not the same to forgive someone who has left us aside due to lack of experience and knowledge, than someone who has done it on purpose.
However, you should still try to detach yourself from those negative emotions since the only one they cause suffering is you.
Remember that we have the ability and the right to choose what to do with what we cannot change.
Become aware of emotions
We all have different emotions depending on the day, moment or situation we are going through. In order to recognize them, ask yourself every day what emotion you feel and measure their intensity from 1 to 10.
Determine emotional needs
Have you ever wondered what makes you happy? We all have different needs and need to recognize that it makes us happy. Recognize what are the moments and bonds that strengthen you.
Express feelings
Learning to express our feelings usually scares us because we think that the gaze of others can judge us or generate a conflict.
Understand that those who do not understand your feelings also have the right to leave, just as you do too. Be transparent with your links to know if they really want to choose you.
Practice Self Care
The body is our container. Without it we could not live the experience of life. Try to take care of it, start eating healthy, play sports, rest. You deserve love and self care, since no one else but you can take care of it.
Strengthen self-esteem
Having high Self-esteem allows us to have a healthy relationship with ourselves and our relationships. Practice self care and love. Remember that you are deserving of abundance and love, but before you expect it to come from others, it must first come from you.
Free yourself from guilt
Guilt is a human feeling, it is natural to judge ourselves. However, we achieve nothing by judging ourselves but by reacting. If you have acted wrongly, it is time to forgive yourself and move on. Don’t evade or judge yourself.
Go to therapy if necessary
We tend to want to do everything alone, but it is necessary to ask for help and go to therapy whenever we need it. Acknowledging that we cannot do it alone is the first step in overcoming our problems.
We recommend that you inform yourself about psychology and choose the type of therapy that most resonates with you. An alternative is to go toCognitive Therapy , which explains the behavior and how it affects entities, states and processes of a mental nature.
University Professional in the area of Human Resources, Postgraduate in Occupational Health and Hygiene of the Work Environment, 14 years of experience in the area of health. Interested in topics of Psychology, Occupational Health, and General Medicine.