When talking about anarcissistic personality, we refer to a mental disorder where people who possess it have an inordinate sense of their own importance.
This translates into a need for excessive attention and admiration, conflictive relationships and lack of empathy for others, which are some of the signs presented by people with this disorder.
In this sense are narcissistic mothers, who in their eagerness to be the center of everything end up causing serious imbalances in family dynamics.
Next, in the following article we share everything you need to know about narcissistic mothers, how to identify them and especially how to avoid becoming one.
What is a narcissistic mother?
Narcissisticmother disorder usually mainly affects her daughters, since when the daughter begins to grow, the mother faces this process as a sign that she is aging.
Anarcissistic mother, according to psychoanalysts Stephanie Donaldson Pressman and Robert Pressman, can become a secretly evil mother, since she usually behaves completely differently in front of the public than she does in private and often mistreats her children.
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
The AmericanPsychiatric Association estimates that there are approximately 1.5 million American women who possess narcissistic personality disorder. And while we may all possess some of these traits, these mothers possess them in an extremist and suffocating way.
In this sense, psychologistKaryl McBride, author of the book “Mothers who do not know how to love”, acknowledged that her mother was after identifying several of the characteristics specified below.
Is affected by narcissistic personality disorder
Those who possess narcissistic personality disorder overestimate their abilities and exaggerate their achievements. They consider themselves above average and show themselves as unique and special beings.
Their well-being depends on what others think of them and they seek, by all means, to be admired.
She often sees extensions of herself in her children.
Mothers with narcissistic personalities demand certain behaviors from their children, since they see them as extensions of themselves.
This behavior usually affects the child, who unconsciously acquires customs and values from his mother.
Tends to be absorbing or negligent
An absorbing mother tries to control all aspects of her children, demanding how they dress, how to act, what to think and what to feel. Faced with a mother of this type, the children develop conflicts to find their own voice and end up merging with the mother’s personality.
On the other hand, a neglectful mother is an absent mother who seems not to have much of a say in the development of her children. Her children develop a feeling of lack, since they understand the lack of attention as a lack of love.
Constantly discredits children
Theodore Millon, a pioneer in personality research, defines narcissistic disorder as the selfish pattern. Where those who have this disorder believe they are superior to others.
This feeling of superiority usually affects the relationship with their children, considering that they are not good enough to occupy that place.
demands full attention
Those who have a narcissistic personality disorder are people who demand full attention and admiration. For them, their value must be reaffirmed by others, they seek recognition and often feel frustrated if their environment does not respond as they want.
Exaggerate your talents and accomplishments
According to a Study from the Argentine Catholic University , people with this personality cognitively tend to exaggerate the truth and openly lie to fulfill and redeem the illusions they have about themselves.
Their self-perception makes them believe their own lies and see themselves as what they want to be.
Obsessed with success, power and beauty
Having a distorted view and a high sense of self-importance, mothers with narcissistic disorder expect to be recognized and admired.
In this way they conceive fantasies of unlimited success, seeking imaginary beauty, power and love. What generates unreasonable expectations, which will later lead to disappointment.
Use others for your own benefit
People with this disorder have difficulties in interpersonal relationships.
According to a Study from the University of Córdoba , narcissism establishes a pathological relationship where various manifestations are characterized, including Machiavellianism.
Machiavellianism in these mothers is characterized by seeing others and particularly their children as extensions of themselves. What triggers the manipulation and use of them for their own benefit.
lacks empathy
Narcissistic personalities possess a general pattern of grandiosity and a great lack of empathy.It begins in early adulthood and occurs in a variety of contexts.
Envy and feel envied
Having a distorted view of themselves and a lack of self-worth, those with this disorder develop anger and envy.
In the first place they feel envied because they consider themselves superior, but having low self-esteem they often see the other as their competition and come to envy them.
He is arrogant and arrogant
Elsa Ronningstam , a psychologist specializing in narcissistic disorder, distinguishes arrogant from shy narcissism, defining the latter as open, grandiose, and assertive while defining the latter as covert, vulnerable, and driven by shame.
For the psychologist, those who have an arrogant narcissism show themselves in a haughty way, considering themselves and showing themselves to be superior to others.
Effects of having a narcissistic mother
Parents affect the development of the child, since it acquires its first behaviors within the family environment.
If you have identified your mother as a narcissistic mother, you may also find the answer and a deep meaning to some of these behaviors.
Low self-esteem
When we talk about self-esteem, we refer to the assessment, perceptionor judgment that a person has about himself. When self-esteem is low, the person has greater difficulties in coping with the interpersonal and social world.
High levels of self-demand
Those who have high levels of self-demand often consider that nothing they do is enough.
This negative feeling usually turns into constant stress, causing those who have it to react by aligning themselves and disconnecting from their true motivation.
Inability to accept yourself as you are
Accepting ourselves as we are is difficult, especially even more so when we have been living with a narcissistic mother.
By not recognizing our achievements and neglecting ourselves we are not accepting ourselves, for this it is essential to forgive and accept ourselves with our virtues and defects.
Insecurity and lack of self-confidence
The lack of self-confidence is a response to the fear and insecurities we have acquired during our lives.
Self-confidenceis a matter of personal initiative, determination and resilience.
Difficulty trusting others
Mistrust of others is an adequate defense mechanism on a certain level. When the difficulty is constant and we distrust, even of ourClosest Friends , it is time to take action and work on it, since it ends up affecting our relationships.
behavior too correct
We show the world how we behave in the eyes of others. Having a behavior that is too correct is usually a way to avoid making mistakes and being criticized.
Override of personal needs
Although we hardly forget the physiological needs, we often forget how important the needs for security, esteem and belonging to a group are.
It is important to take all human needs and not neglect any of them.
Difficulties in determining one’s identity
Our identity is the awareness we have about ourselves and what makes us different from others.
Those who have difficulty determining their identity are people who worry so much about fitting in that they end up imitating behaviors and beliefs that are not their own.
Self sabotage
Self-sabotage is an unconscious act, which tends to hinder the construction of goals or achievements through self-manipulation. Who has this behavior, does not achieve his goals simply because of his own unconscious tricks.
Psychological disorders
Psychological disorders are an alteration in the psychic balance. Usually, these disorders are experienced as a limiting and dysfunctional factor for the normal functioning of the individual in their daily life.
What to do with a narcissistic mother?
First of all, you must recognize if you have a narcissistic mother, so that you can then take action based on it.
Below we suggest you read the following recommendations.
Put limits
Setting limits is one of the most important forms of self-care. You must establishhealthy boundaries with her and be honest and precise with everything that you dislike, as well as everything that you consider positive about the bond.
Prioritize and put yourself first
We tend to put ourselves in the background, since we have learned to consider others first. However, those who cannot take care of themselves and prioritize themselves will not be able to help others. It is important that you begin to appreciate yourself and put yourself first.
Build an authentic conscience
To build an authentic conscience, we must learn which are those behaviors and values that we have acquired from others as if they were our own and which are those that are really part of ourselves.
Disengage psychologically
Leaving emotional dependency and starting to take charge of our own processes and experiences is a way to loosen ties with our mother and start living our own life.
Avoid Blame
You shouldn’t feel guilty about taking action or acting more distant towards your mother. It is necessary for the good of both, that you manage to turn the relationship into a healthy bond and for this it is essential that at least one of the parties recognizes that the situation must be different.
Ask for help if necessary
Asking for help is a form of self- caretag. Many times we cannot do it alone and it is necessary to assist a trained professional, so that they can help us find the solution to our problems and accompany us in the process.
How to avoid being a narcissistic mother?
To avoid being one, we must first identify if it is possible for us to become one of them. First you must think about the relationship you have with your children and how are your behaviors and reactions.
Here’s how you can start taking charge of it.
Accept and acknowledge the problem
If you have been able to recognize that it is possible to become a narcissistic mother, you must in principle treat your shortcomings. What is it that you are looking for the rest to recognize you and why?
apply empathy
Begin to communicate assertively with your children, understand what they feel and why, as well as being able to express your feelings with them. It will make them able to form healthy bonds.
Avoid projecting onto children
Children often imitate their parents as they are learning and forming their own identity. You must understand that they have to form their own path, creating their own values.
The role of parents should be to accompany and advise them in the process.
Respect the life and space of children
Parents must be present in their children’s lives, however they have to learn to respect privacy and personal spaces. Make sure you have a fluid and healthy communication respecting their spaces.
communicate assertively
Communication is essential. Try to communicate, creating spaces where your children feel safe to talk about anything they feel or consider necessary. Remember not to judge them so they feel safe.
Learn to listen
First we must learn to listen. Avoid judgment, listen to what they have to tell you without making value judgments about them. Remember that communication is a sign that your children are trusting you.
Be more flexible and understanding
Encourage your children to communicate and show themselves as they are and feel. There may be attitudes or behaviors that you do not like, but it is necessary that you first understand that they are different people from you and that at the same time you can advise and guide them.
Go to therapy if necessary
Many times we need to assist a professional since although we can try it alone, we need the accompaniment of someone specialized in the difficulty we are going through. If you need help, we recommend that you look for a psychologist from a therapeutic line that resonates with you.
University Professional in the area of ​​Human Resources, Postgraduate in Occupational Health and Hygiene of the Work Environment, 14 years of experience in the area of ​​health. Interested in topics of Psychology, Occupational Health, and General Medicine.